It's A Miracle He's Still Working on Me!
Both of those are titles to songs that David has sung for competition. The first is the song he sang this year.
The second is the name of a wonderful song that My sister, Lisa and I sang when we were kids. David sang it last year at competition. It says...
He's still working on me, to make me what I ought to be. It took Him just a week to make the moon and the stars, the sun and Earth and Jupiter and Mars. How loving and patient He must be, He's still working on me.
There really ought to be a sign upon my heart...Don't judge him yet, there's an unfinished part. But I'll be perfect just according to His plan. Fashioned by the Master's loving hand.
In the mirror of His Word, reflections that I see make me wonder why He never gave up on me. But He loves me as I am, and helps me when I pray. Remember He's the potter, I'm the clay.
Sometimes things happen that really stink. Sometimes these "stinky" life happenings occur right in the middle of what starts out to be a really great time. We then struggle with how to respond. In years past, I rarely responded well to the difficult things in life. I have in the past been a very selfish, ugly, and angry person. I can look back and see those times, and I pray that I never go back to those ways.
There are times that in spite of what we really, really want, we need to surrender our desires and our will to accept what God has planned instead of what we have planned. As Christians we are expected to prefer others before ourselves. Thinking of others can be much easier said than done. But it can be done when we are completely surrendered to the Holy Spirit and the will of God. Thankfully God keeps working on us and someday He will complete the work that He has begun.
For the last several months, I have worked with David on a song for him to sing at the FWB MO State Youth Competition on June 5. I spent many many hours learning to play a song that was way out of my comfort zone of playing so he could compete. He spent much time learning to sing the song and improving on his vocal skills.
He is so gifted and I am so blessed to be his mama! There were many times of pushing him to practice when he didn't want to practice. The practice paid off and he did an excellent job at the state competition. So well that he scored very high! There was a bit of human blunder though and we were not informed of all the specific guidelines and at the competition there were some issues with the scoring. This resulted in another competitor being announced as the first place winner. Later in the evening we were told that without the scoring mishap, David technically had the highest score. We were then told that both David and the other competitor who received the 1st place trophy would be allowed to sing at the National competition in NC later this month. We went from very disappointed to very very excited! The other young competitor happens to be the daughter of some wonderful people with whom I have been delighted to have a budding friendship.
When we arrived home from the state competition, David & I were so very excited. Although he did not have the trophy, we knew that without the mishaps, he would have had the highest score. He was delighted! He also had won 1st place in the Bible Sword Drill category that he competed in.
Our disappointment came a few days later when, after I had already registered us online for the National Convention, Michael informed me that we were not going to be able to go. The cost was just too much for just David and me to travel that far and he was concerned about us traveling that distance alone. I was heart broken. I knew I had to respect his decision, but I cried many tears that night and the next morning as I prayed and tried to keep a right spirit toward my husband and God. After all, this was what David & I had worked so long and hard for. People can say that it's not about winning, that it's all about honoring God and sharpening your skills, building on experience for future things in life; but deep down we all just really want to win. We want the glory of saying "I'm #1!" Even me. I wanted to know in my heart that I helped my son reach that goal. Trying to keep this stuff balanced in my heart and mind can get really tough sometimes. I know the right things to say and how I'm supposed to act. I know what I need to teach my children, and that they will learn most by my example. Lots of praying is what it takes to keep me where I need to be!
I had a talk with David and explained to him why we could not go. He was understandably very upset. Because God had already been working in my heart about being submissive with my heart and my will, I could honestly tell David that this what was we had to do. I could, from my heart, tell him that it is best to honor Daddy and God and trust that they have our best interest in mind. We had discussions about why we sometimes have to surrender something that we so badly desire when there is nothing "wrong" with that particular desire. If we love and trust God completely, we can more easily let go of our desires and accept His perfect plan for us. I have learned in the last few weeks that my response to situations greatly impacts how my children respond. They are watching me and will mimic what they see in me. Oh, how I pray that I will respond wisely to life so they will do the same. I do not want to be cause for any further shortcomings and struggles in their lives. David cried a little and then we prayed. There have been several times lately where we have prayed together over specific situations. What a difference it makes in our attitudes! I don't hesitate to let my children hear me confessing my faults to God in prayer and voicing my struggles to the One who can help me.
I decided to wait a few days to cancel our registration with the National Convention in hopes that somehow Michael would change his mind or I might find a way to pay for the trip. Finally, on Monday, June13 I called the FWB office in Nashville and cancelled our registration and asked for a refund. The next day I received a confirmation email that our registration was cancelled. Emotions took a sudden turn that evening when I was informed that David & I could travel to NC for the National Competition in the church van with our youth pastor, and that the church would help pay for our hotel room. They were trying to help all of the families who had competitors going to Nationals. I believe we have 4 or 5 families going for the competition. After speaking to Michael, I was so excited that we were going to get to go after all! I let Michael be the one to tell David. On Wednesday I was able to call the office in Nashville again and get our registration back in order.
Fast forward about 9 days....we just returned home from a very exhausting week at church camp. Everyone is bone tired and teetering on the edge of cranky. All I really wanted was to get home, crawl in my bed and sleep. That was not to be. We stayed at the church longer than expected after unloading the van and loading my car. Then, just as we were getting ready to leave, I found an email on my phone. The email was from someone involved with the National Competition. It stated that there would have to be a decision made about the entry for David's vocal solo. They could only accept one entry. The person who told us they could send both children was mistaken. WOW!! How quickly these emotions can plunge!
I went back into the church and showed the email to our youth pastor and pastor. Much more discussion took place. At this point I'm really trying to keep from breaking down. Our wise pastor commented, "you all really need to go home and get some rest." LOL I did end up crying a little there in front of them. I got it together and went back out to my car....only to discover my car would not start. Dead battery. I'm not going to explain how that happened. Anyway, the tears came. LOL I'm laughing now, but I was not seeing any humor in the situation at that moment. We finally made it home and later that evening Michael said what I had feared he would say when hearing about the email.
He stated that if David didn't get to sing, we were not going to make the trip just for Bible Sword Drill. UGH!!! This was one crazy emotional roller coaster I was on. I did not want to say anything to David yet about the fact that he may not get to sing in NC. So.....I prayed. The next morning, Michael told me he had thought it through and no matter what decision was made about the vocal solo, we could go to Nationals for Bible Sword Drill. He did not want David to be hurt anymore. Now we were left waiting and wondering when the decision would be made and who would get to go. If the other competitor had been a stranger to us, it probably would have been easier. But knowing that the other competitor was a friend made this much more emotional. I was so concerned with how the other child would feel if David were allowed to sing at the Nationals.
I began to really feel that the right thing for us to do would be to step down. But I battled with whether or not I should do that to David. After all, what if they decided to let him sing. We would be giving up his opportunity to compete at the National competition. I had some talks with David. Michael & I talked with David. Michael and I didn't exactly see eye to eye on what to do. So.....I prayed and prayed. Trying to find out what God wanted us to do. By the time I was finally convinced about what we needed to do, I ended up not having to make that call. I found out that the decision was made to allow our friend's daughter to compete. I was relieved and very disappointed at the same time. I spoke to my friend this week and it's amazing how God works in our lives when we allow Him to. We both had been very concerned for the other's child. We had a wonderful visit over the phone and I know that this is just a little something that will be used to build our friendship.
Then came the final talk with David. This poor child has been through the emotional wringer as well in regards to this year's competition. He didn't win. He did win. He gets to go to NC. He doesn't get to go. He gets to go. He may not get to sing. He might get to sing. And now....sorry Sweety, you don't get to sing. I tried to get him back around to the point where he had been several days ago, where he was willing to step down. This was a struggle for him. As it obviously would be for most children and even most adults. I finally just told him the decision was not his to make and he would not be singing. I really don't know if he thinks I made the decision or if the youth board made the decision. Either way, he knows he is not singing at the national competition. We focused on the fact that he gets to do Bible Sword Drill and all the fun we will have on our trip. I told him that regardless of how we feel, as Christians, we need to obey God and we should always prefer others before ourselves(Phil.2). This is not how our society usually works, even within the church many times. I was pleased to see that after a few tears and angry words, we were able to pray and let go of the struggle. He was fine after that. I believe he will follow our example and respond to this as he sees us respond to it.
Through all of this, there have been so many teaching moments. I hope and pray that I caught all of them. I told David that when we go through difficult things we must be able to look back and have learned something. If we learn nothing from the trials we go through we are foolish and may very well face similar trials in the future until we learn what God wants us to learn. Much of what I feel I learned was not new to me, but rather just putting into action what I have known in my head. I feel like God was proving me through this. I hope I passed the test! I also hope that David will look back and see that God was working in his life as well. God is always working all around us. We just don't always see it.
He is only 10 years old and, Lord willing, will have many more opportunities to sing at competition. I can't wait for the trip. Although, honestly, 12 hours in the church van doesn't sound all that great! But I'm sure we will enjoy the fellowship with Ryan, Lindsey and Eleanor.
I am working hard at keeping everything here at home caught up and prepared ahead if possible. We will return home from the Nationals just 2 days before going to church camp again. I am going to be teaching a class at church camp so those lessons need to be prepared. We are planning to start school just 2 weeks after returning from church camp, so those lessons need to be in the computer. I feel like everything is just spinning so fast, and I am trying to hang on. Add to this mix my normal emotional ups and downs and trying to be good wife and mama...and whew! It's exhausting just to think about! LOL
I am so grateful that Nehemiah 8:10 tells us that "the joy of the Lord is our strength." I find my joy for life in Jesus. He is my Lord, my Savior, my Rock, my Shelter, my Everything. Because of Jesus I am blessed beyond measure and I can face anything as long as I am His.
